Reflection: Part 2 - SHSE

A Year of Professional Changes - Part 1
Part 3 - MMHS

SHSE broke my spirit and love for teaching in four months. How is that possible?

I am finishing my 8th year teaching. It is truly my passion - I love it and I am good at it. I'm not just saying that I am good at it, but I was recognized for it in various ways at previous schools.

I was made to teach. 

SHSE is very small. Less than 400 students. I was one of two science teachers. I taught Biology and Chemistry. The other science teacher was not certified - was a long-term sub in an alternative certification program. This was the case for about half of the staff in the building. 

In the summer, I like to get as much planning done as possible. I am a "creator" and like to make as many of my own things as possible. To do this, I like to have the scope and sequence in front of me. Unfortunately, I didn't know what courses I was teaching until our professional development started. I had access to our "curriculum" and the scope and sequence five days before the first day of school. 

I use the word "curriculum" very loosely. My administrator - B - was always stressing the importance of following the curriculum we were given. However, my chemistry curriculum involved many supplies I did not have access to and involved many experiments that I wasn't comfortable doing in my classroom, which was a converted elementary classroom with no sink, fire extinguisher, or any other safety equipment. Another administrator - S - and myself, always believed curriculum to be a "framework" that could be modified to the needs of your students, which would be why S provided Biology curriculum that needed to be heavily modified, as it was difficult for me to understand at first glance and was missing many pieces. 

Even before the first day of school, I was at odds with B. It was not a great start. 

SHSE was focused on a very specific classroom management system for all classrooms to follow. It was mandatory, overwhelming, and I found it very difficult to intertwine with systems I had been using for several years. It involved "coaching" with radios, earpieces, and multiple administrators telling you what to do, in real-time, during a class. It sounded something like this: 

Me: Okay guys, we are going to get started on the handout in front of you. 

B (through earpiece radio): Give directions again as we scripted

Me: Look at the handout in front of you, in a level 0 voice, read them to yourself. 

B: Give them a time limit.

Me: You have 2 minutes.

B: Good. Circulate the room. Student in the back is on their phone.

This continued for 15 minutes. It was exhausting, inauthentic, scripted... all the things I vowed to avoid when teaching. Afterwards, I met with B during my lunch hour where we would review the coaching session and she would give me my score. 

I cried. Why was my ability to manage a classroom evaluated with a bug in my ear and a score based on criteria that I did not establish as norms for my classroom? I had zero autonomy for my class management.

References back to this meeting continued with everyday interactions with B in the hallway, continually straining what little relationship there was between me and them. 

I had created a modeling lesson, from scratch, for my biology kids to demonstrate how SO MUCH DNA can be packed into such a tiny cell. I had turned it into a competition and posted the models in the hallway, along with the objective and standard, which were both clearly demonstrated along with some awesome modeling! I was super proud of them and the students were proud of their work! 

I made a point to call B over to explain the lesson, since I knew some important visitors were walking through the school that day and I wanted her to be able to draw attention to it if needed. At the end her comment was... 

"Such a cool lesson... now if only you could give better directions in the way we need you to." 

I was furious. Instead of focusing on the learning, the focus was on... my ability to give directions? I had never heard of a high school where learning and education was behind classroom management in terms of goals. 

Then mid-year evaluations came. 

I modified a lesson that I LOVED from my previous school. It was an inquiry based lesson on how to balance chemical equations. Essentially students learn how to balance equations without me ever directly teaching them how to do it - they figure it all out in groups using maniuplatives. I made it a game, offering rewards for the group with the most points. I had timers, incentives, offered support to struggling groups. The kids were 100% engaged. It was one of the best chemistry lessons I taught all year. I had a kid genuinely say - "Whoa.. this is the most I've ever learned in Science!" I thought I had hit it out of the park!

Mid-year evaluation came back... I was minimally effective. How was this possible?

As expected, the classroom management portion of their modified rubric was unique to their coaching system. I got a ZERO in one of the areas - which boggles my mind a bit, since the goal of the system is to have 100% engagement, which I accomplished, yet because I didn't use one specific piece I earned a zero. Each specific strategy of the system had it's own rating on their rubric - giving directions a specific way, positive narration, giving incentives a specific way, and even using a specific tone of voice. I scored low in some of these areas. As it turns out, those areas were weighted heavier than the academic sections.

However, I scored high in all of the learning and planning areas. In my evaluation meeting, I was sitting with B, S, and principal D. The focus of the conversation was squarely on the low scores I received. I immediately went into crying/panic mode. I felt under attack. I felt like I was being guilt tripped. Comments were made like... "You're the veteran teacher, you should be a pro at this!" I locked up. I was immediately emotional. I wanted to defend myself. I wanted to explain my rational for planning my lesson, my science knowledge for why the lesson went well. I wanted them to know that it went well EVEN THOUGH they had never balanced equations before - but none of this mattered and none of this was known to them. I was reduced to my ability to follow a script.

My ability to TEACH was overshadowed by my choice to focus on learning rather than the system of classroom management. I say it was my choice, because ultimately it was. I could have done what my administrators asked and spent my time researching, practicing, and scripting my lessons, but instead I chose to put that time into researching and prepping a better lesson for my students.

This was the moment I knew my time was limited at SHSE. 

I took time over winter break to reflect, reevaluate my mission in teaching, and realign with why teaching is so important to me. I began my job search and started networking like crazy. Luckily, a coworker still had connections to their previous school and I was able to network pretty quickly. I had an interview, and four days later a job.

I am generally a courteous person - at PHS, I notified my administrators immediately when I knew we were moving to Michigan and they were very thankful for that. I gave my current administrators the same courtesy, in my mind so that they could put a posting up and hopefully find a replacement science teacher. I told my new job that I would let them know when I would be available, and they understood, since a sub was currently in the position I would be taking.

I told D, my principal, that I was offered a new job, but did not have a firm start date. I said my two weeks notice would be coming soon and I was planning on staying for the duration of that so they had time to find a replacement. He said thank you, then I went to eat my lunch.

15 minutes later, the secretary came in and said D wanted to see me. I walked into his office and the HR rep was also there. It was a Thursday. I was told that I needed to put in my resignation, dated tomorrow. I would get my last paycheck tomorrow. I could come after school hours tomorrow to pack up my stuff but could not pack up anything around students.

I could not say goodbye to my students. 

I was shocked. I thought I had done the right thing. I thought I was being courteous and putting the students first - thinking it would be better to have me than a sub - but again, I was wrong. 

A coworker met me after school and graciously helped me pack my little car full of my stuff had I brought from home - copious amounts of manipulatives, folders, scissors, glue, and other school supplies. B was waiting in their office for me to leave, so I went in to drop off my keys. On my way out she said to me. 

There are a lot of things you can do with an education degree. Maybe teaching isn't a good fit for you. 

On that closing note, I drove away and never looked back.